i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
