They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize