I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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