Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
