Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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