I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
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Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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