dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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