I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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