I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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