Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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