when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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