it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
