I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
