based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
