i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
