it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
