I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
FUCK WHALES
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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