all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
