I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they call him Oral-B. enough said
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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