Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
