He is like the real live version of the state fair..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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