oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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