the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
