I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
