that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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