i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
