I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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