so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
