I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
