Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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