After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize