She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
