you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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