I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
