i barfeds in our rink
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
