i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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