All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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