I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
