You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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