I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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