put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
4 words: hood of his car
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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