I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
