He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You can't special order awesome
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
