Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
