I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
