I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate all girls vehemently.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
