I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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