just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
