Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
