make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
