Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
