i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
