just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
