worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
