Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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