i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
