Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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