Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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