I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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