I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
