wrigley field is MILF paradise
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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