im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
