It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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