Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
