Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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